Pennies from Heaven

I frequently go through "death" phases. Where I seem to get obsessed with death. Maybe it is because my cat, Misty, just died? Or perhaps it is because I have just been introduced to an empath group/website and have been thinking about intuitive situations from my past?

My father passed away in 1994 which has been awhile ago now, but I still think about him frequently and miss him terribly. Anyway, one strong memory I have of him is that every time he went for a walk, or went anywhere for that matter, he would find money. On the street or parking lot; usually pennies, but occasionally nickles, dimes, quarters, and even dollar bills. He would always pick up the money and put it in a small glass jar he kept on the night stand next to his bed. When the jar got full, he would donate the money to a charity. It always amazed me how quickly the jar would fill up.

After he died, and I was going through a lot of difficult changes in my life, including changing jobs and moving to a new city. Every time I would go for a walk, a glint of light would catch my eye and there would be a coin! It was hard to believe how much money I would find. I called them "pennies from heaven" - a gift from my father. Was he letting me know he was thinking of me - or that he was there watching out for me? I like to think so. I always thanked him and put the money in a glass jar at my bedside.

As time has gone by, I no longer seem to be finding money, or maybe my thoughts are elsewhere, or maybe I don't need that connection as much as I did before? I'm not sure.

But whenever I do find money, to me they are "pennies from heaven". A lot of people tease me, that nobody picks up pennies - they aren't worth anything. But to me they are more precious than gold. They are a memory of/from my dad.

Eulogy for Suzi

Suzi is on the left, I'm on the right.

While on the subject of loss and eulogies - this is one I wrote for one of my former students who died after a long chronic illness - she was 30 years old.

Eulogy for Susan Smith

I first met Suzi when she was a student assistant at the CDE in the CDUnit. Bob was her official supervisor, but I was the one that worked directly with her, gave her assignments, and monitored her work.

One the things I remember her saying frequently whenever I gave her an assignment or project was “I can do that” this I think reflected her work ethic and philosophy. Suzi was highly intelligent and quickly caught on to how to do things – nothing was too difficult for her to tackle. If she thought something could be done more efficiently or in a different way –she would say – why can’t we do it this way – or what do you think about trying it this other way.

She was an active member of a youth group at her church and went on a trip to Eastern Europe to an orphanage – the trip had a lasting impact on her. It seems to me that she met Jeremy at around that time. She was concerned that she was older than him – I told her that age didn’t matter – as long as they loved each other and wanted to be together. She was also concerned when she went to Fresno for her Dietetic Internship that they would be separated and the relationship would die – I told her if it was meant to be that – the separation wouldn’t matter. I was happy to learn that they stayed together and they were soon engaged to be married – I told her I wanted to go to her wedding – and she invited me. She was so excited that things seemed to be falling into place and working out for them!

She asked me to write her letters of recommendation for her internship and also for various jobs that she applied for. She wanted to be a clinical dietitian, based on her personal experience, so I was glad she had that opportunity. We kept in touch and whenever she would come to the Downtown Plaza – she made a point to stop in and say hello and let me know how things were going.

She told me she was frustrated with the way things were going at her job and was thinking about wanting to make a change – I encouraged her to come back to the CDE. Since, the Department was hiring additional staff– I encouraged her to apply and put in a good word for her with the supervisory staff. I told her it would involve quite a bit of travel and time away from home – but she didn’t think that would be a problem.

After she got the job – she was assigned to the Bay Area – she told me that her and Jeremy were really feeling more settled and that they were going to buy a house and start thinking about having a family. She was so excited about their new house and the possibility of having children. Just before I left the CDE in July, we had a long talk about her future and that her doctor had given her the green light to try to get pregnant. It was a real shock to hear that she was ill. She always knew she would need a liver transplant someday – but cancer wasn’t something she even thought about.

I think to her I was an advisor and a mentor. To me she was a special person and a true friend. I feel honored that she talked to me about her dreams, goals, and frustrations. I’m glad that I was able to talk to her a few times just before she died and tell her how much she meant to me.

I received an e-mail from her supervisor just after Christmas. In the e-mail her supervisor told me that she had visited with Suzi and that Suzi wanted her to thank everyone for the gift of time. What she meant was the Department allows employees to donate their vacation hours for catastrophic leave when staff run out of time (leave credits) – When I read that I wished that instead of giving her hours/money – I could have given her years of time instead.

Eulogy for Cindy

I am currently reading "The Opposite of Fate: A Book of Musings" by Amy Tan. Amy Tan is one of my favorite authors - and I love this book. As I was reading a eulogy she wrote/presented at the funeral of one of her best friends, it reminded me of this one that I presented for a co-worker of mine a few years ago. Cindy was my bosses secretary. Her death was sudden and unexpected. She was at work the day before. She complained of a headache, but nobody really thought much about it at the time. That night she had a stroke and died. Our boss was totally devastated and said she just couldn't speak at her funeral. She asked me if I would do it for her. I told her I would, since Cindy was a good friend of mine, and she often confided in me. This eulogy was also presented at a special remembrance service we had for her at work (she died close to the same time another co-worker died from cancer - so we held a memorial tribute to both of them).

Cindy Fong – Remembrances 11-03

We all wear many hats and play many different roles in life – from wife, to mother, and co-worker. We spend as much time with our work family as we do with our home family and the “at work” role is much different than our “at home: role. I am here to share what she meant to those of us who worked with her and shared her life.

Cindy had a wonderful sense of humor and loved to play jokes and tease her co-workers. One time she pulled out the ugliest looking doll I had ever seen – “the knuckle head doll”. She said that it belonged to her husband – but that it was OK if she brought it to work. It was one of the three stooges that talked when it was squeezed. The first time she had it talk – people came running over to her cubicle – because they couldn’t believe what they were hearing! We had lots of fun playing jokes on people with that doll – sending anonymous voice mail messages – or having it talk in the middle of a serious meeting! It was a sad day when she said that her husband wanted his doll back!

Cindy would often stop by to talk to me or vent her frustrations. She said she appreciated my calm demeanor, my philosophical attitude and ability to put things back into perspective for her. Sometimes, when I would be in a meeting in her bosses office, she would be creative in trying to get my attention by putting huge signs and post-its with arrows on her cubicle so that when I came out of the meeting – I would stop by and see her. Sometimes she would bribe me with candy – she always had a “private stash” of chocolate – she had the public candy – usually hard candy, that was for everybody else and then the private “special” candy reserved just for “me”.

Cindy always had a lot of unusual and interesting things in her cubicle – If I would comment on something – next thing I know – she would be giving me something similar as a gift. “I knew you would like this – or I saw this and it reminded me of you”

She was always worried about her job – and when the budget crisis hit she would come and want assurance that she wasn’t going to be laid off. Our office recently moved and the warehouse office staff moved with us. Because there was going to be some duplication of staff – we did a small re-organization of some of the office staff duties. I included her in the meeting to discuss the changes, since they would affect her. After the meeting she asked if she could meet with me privately. I had no idea why. What she said was not what I expected at all! She was worried that her primary duties were being delegated to other staff members – and what would she be doing? – and were we trying to get rid of her? – I thought she would be happy – relieved that she wouldn’t have to carry such a huge burden any more!

One time a group of us went to Old Town for lunch. On the way back, I made a comment that I would like to go to some of the shops, but that I never seemed to get around to it. She said that she would like to do that also, and that she would be glad to come with me sometime. Well, it was either too hot, too cold, or we were too busy. We never did go…

One of the cards she gave me had this book marker in it - that I think sums up her philosophy of life… (sorry, I will have to look for this).

One of the gifts that Cindy gave me was a wooden puzzle box (one that you have to figure out how to open). She said she had a hard time finding it for me. I have some of the items she gave me in it - including an antique chinese good luck coin in a red envelope that was distributed after her funeral.